Very Secret Diaries, Master and Commander Style
by sisterofchaos
Summary: WOOT! The VSD people have returned. This time its Pullings turn
1. Nagel

Disclaimer: We own no one from Master and Commander. Our sincerist  
appolgies to the late Patrick O'brian and to Peter Wier. Also The  
VSD idea was taken from the LOTR one. So we don't technically own  
that idea either. Ok enough with that.  
  
Posters note: I didn't write this. Some marvollous writer named  
Kira Mowett did. So please direct all comments to her!!! For she  
will surely blush if you do!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Joseph Nagle, Carpenter's Mate by Kira  
Mowett  
  
Day 1  
  
Pullings is nancing around the ship like he's the prettiest or  
something. Hmmph. I don't think so. I prefer blondes, myself.  
Warley is rather fetching, however, he seems to be the only  
straight man on the ship. Maybe Bonden is available.  
  
Mr Lamb was checking out my arse. Old git. Next time he asks me to  
pick up something he dropped, I'll make him do it himself. Might  
get a nice flogging out of it. Go me!  
  
Day 7  
  
Forget about Bonden. I walked past one of vacant officer's cabins  
and heard him yelling, "Faster, Doudle! Faster!" Ick.  
  
Hollom was giving me the eye, though. He might be an interesting  
shag.  
  
Day 9  
  
sighs How sweet, Hollom serenaded me last night. Pity everyone  
else heard him, too. Wonder why Captain Aubrey was so annoyed with  
him.  
  
Day 12  
  
Damn. Captain ordered me to cut Warley loose, so he drowned. Am v.  
sad.  
  
In other news, Hollom stood me up last night. Git.  
  
Day 14  
  
I swear to God, if Mr Lamb grabs my arse one more time...  
  
I did not see Captain Howard do that with his guns. Ugh. And I  
thought that Killick and the Captain's silver was bad...  
  
Day 16  
  
Mowett was checking out the captain's arse again. The Doctor will  
kill him if he tries anything.  
  
Day 20  
  
Hollom stood me up again. Dammit. I'm gonna get him...  
  
Day 22  
  
Well, shoving him might have been a pretty good idea. I'm going to  
be flogged. Go me. Captain Aubrey obviously doesn't know I love  
pain...  
  
Day 23  
  
Dammit! Only twelve lashes? That deserved at least twenty-four!  
  
sighs I guess Hollom was feeling guilty about skipping our  
last date...he drowned himself. Am v. sad. I think Little Lord One-  
Arm actually pushed him. 


	2. Blakeney

This one was done by the lovely Xehra we do not own the characters nor the Very Secret Diaries idea. She will be posting it again under her profile.  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Lord William Blakeney  
  
Sorry, I just had to have a crack at this...  
  
(Blatantly stolen from CassieClaire's VSDs. I'm sure she won't mind us ripping her off ;))  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Lord William Blakeney  
  
Day 30  
  
Pleasant cruise so far. Our Captain is v. pretty.  
  
Day 32  
  
French ship Acheron came out of the fog and surprised us. Injured my arm badly.  
  
Stupid war. Stupid fog. Stupid French.  
  
Day 33  
  
Arm amputated; hurt like buggery but Doctor Maturin says I am his bravest patient ever. Go me!  
  
Also, Calamy gave me fabulous backrub and sponge bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful. Not quite sure why I needed six baths, however.  
  
Day 35  
  
Calamy keeps lurking about my sickbed making eyes at me and offering to give me a foot massage. Not sure whether to be annoyed or flattered.  
  
The Captain gave me a book - was he hitting on me?  
  
Day 38  
  
Beginning to suspect coxswain Bonden was chosen for this crew on account of his beautiful blue eyes and cupid's bow lips, rather than mad helmsman-like skillz.  
  
Day 40  
  
Finally able to resume my normal duties. Navigation lesson at the bow with the Captain. He is a bit dodgy if you ask me. "Teaching the boys how to use their sextants" indeed. Obviously a pervy midshipman-fancier in my opinion.  
  
Day 41  
  
The Acheron surprised us again. Calamy manned a raft we let loose from the stern as a diversion. He is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful! Ok, so possibly not all that tall. Taller than me, anyway.  
  
Day 43  
  
The Captain stripped off and went for a swim; supposedly to check the ship for damage, but we all know better. Is obvious Pullings fancies the pants off him. Ha ha! Ha! The Doctor will kill him if he tries anything.  
  
Hollom says Nagle is shagging Warley.  
  
Ick.  
  
Day 45  
  
Bad storm. We lost Warley overboard. Nagle is inconsolable. We have all tried distracting him with amusing anecdotes and various vegetables, but to no avail.  
  
In an attempt to cheer everyone up, Mowett took off his clothes and performed his rendition of Nelson: The Musical. Everyone still morose. Far too many high kicks for my liking.  
  
Was sick in Pullings' hat. Hope he does not notice.  
  
Day 47  
  
Becalmed. Apparently Hollom is a Jonah. He seems a nice enough chap to me, lovely singing voice. Perhaps he is a eunuch?  
  
Day 48  
  
Hollom committed suicide by taking a cannon ball to the bottom with him. Thought he was propositioning me at first but turns out he was just saying goodbye.  
  
In other news, the wind came back. Hurrah!  
  
Day 50  
  
Bonden asked if I wanted to share his hammock. Beginning to suspect all those sailor songs about bonds between fighting men a big cover up for illicit spanking games.  
  
Day 52  
  
Lover's tiff about the Galapagos between Goldilocks and the Doctor solved nicely as Captain Howard accidentally shot Dr Maturin. The Captain is beside himself; we have made anchor at the islands.  
  
Big tall men caring about each other, rather cute really.  
  
Day 53  
  
Galapagos so pretty.  
  
Found the Acheron on the other side of the island whilst accompanying the Doctor on one of his infernal nature rambles. Bitterly disappointed that the Captain won't let me in the action, instead to stay behind and babysit the loblolly boys. Feel a sulk coming on.  
  
Day 54  
  
Calamy killed by French. Stupid French.  
  
Midshipmen dropping like flies. May be on track for promotion as Pullings has been giving his own command aboard the Acheron. The Doctor was glad to see him go.  
  
Day 179  
  
In pursuit again, French captain wasn't dead after all.  
  
Is it just me or is everyone on this ship kinda gay? Maybe it is just me. 


	3. Mowett

The Lovely and talented KiraMowett has done it again!!!!! Shes so  
wonderful isnt she! Please R&R and direct all comments toward her!!  
For I shall be notifying her of them!!!  
  
EDIT: Day 16 was edited with some new....um....material  
  
The Very Secret Diary of William Mowett, 2nd Lieutenant  
  
Day 1:  
  
Surprise attacked by French. Even with all of the carnage, Pullings  
still managed to nance around like he's the prettiest or something.  
As if. Will have to work that into a poem somehow...  
  
Hmmm...  
  
Pullings sure knows how to nance.  
  
I think he just wants the chance  
  
To get into our captain's pants.  
  
Maybe not.  
  
Day 2:  
  
Dinner with the captain:  
  
My latest poem went over well  
  
But the captain was drunk as hell.  
  
I think he enjoyed watching Pullings nance  
  
He did seem to be in a trance.  
  
Wonder if he'll kiss and tell?  
  
Day 7:  
  
Everyone's getting some except me. Had a horrible experience  
today...  
  
While taking a stroll with the Master,  
  
I heard Bonden cry "Faster, Doudle, faster!"  
  
That made me rather sick-  
  
They're a couple? Ick.  
  
But it could have been worse, could have been Killick.  
  
Day 9:  
  
Nasty storms around Cape Horn  
  
From the ship, a mast was torn.  
  
Drowned was poor Seaman Warley  
  
His friends will miss him sorely.  
  
Day 13:  
  
My eyes! Blinded as by a thousand suns!  
  
Did I really see Howard do that with his guns?!  
  
Oh well, that's not as bad as Killick and the captain's silver.  
  
sniggers Mr Lamb grabbed Nagle's arse again.  
  
Day 14:  
  
Picked up some whalers today. We're not stopping at the Galapagos  
after all. Damn, those tortosises looked tasty. And the Doctor is  
PISSED!!!  
  
The Captain and the Doctor had a lover's spat  
  
The Captain called the Doctor a spoiled brat.  
  
Did they break up, and that is that?  
  
No, they kissed and made up- drat!  
  
(I'd love a shot at either of them...)  
  
Day 16:  
  
Oops, I really mustn't check out the Captain's arse so much. The  
Doctor will kill me if I try anything!!  
  
In other news, we're stuck in the doldrums now. Everyone is testy.  
Tried to cheer the crew up by performing a scene from Nelson: The  
Musical...but Awkward Davies and a bunch of other big brutes beat me  
down. Guess the nude high kicks were too much for them. Oh, well.  
But some crew were eyeing my arse appreciatively. Go me!!  
  
Day 20:  
  
Uh, oh, in Paradise there's trouble-  
  
Hollom better pay attention to Nagle, on the double.  
  
Dear Hollom must not know  
  
others want to shag our Joe.  
  
(I just noticed how cute Nagle is. No wonder Mr Lamb is always  
grabbing his arse!)  
  
Day 23:  
  
Oh, to be the bosun's mate!  
  
The cat is Nagle's idea of a date.  
  
I'd love to give him a flog,  
  
and then share some grog...  
  
but Hollom got there first, I'm too late!   
  
Day 24:  
  
Oh, dear. Hollom has drowned himself. Rumour has it that Lord  
Blakeney (also known as Little Lord One-Arm) actually pushed him...  
  
Day 30:  
  
We triumped over the Acheron. But we lost Doudle, Calamy, the Master  
Allen, and my dear Nagle, who had finally agreed to a date...am v.  
sad.   
  
On the bright side, I no longer have to watch Pullings nance around  
the ship. He's going off with the Acheron.  
  
Day 31:  
  
We're going after Acheron again, aw crap!  
  
Poor Pullings may find himself in a trap.  
  
But he can take care of himself, he'll show'em.  
  
And send me some fodder for my next poem!  
  



	4. Aubrey

This one was done by the loverly Missizzy. Again, all comments and  
reviews directed at her please!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Jack Aubrey  
  
By the way, the idea of Jack sleeping out on deck is not mine  
originally, it was a joke made by someone else, though I can no  
longer remember who.  
  
Day 1  
  
Got whalloped by a French frigate. More then twice our guns, more  
then twice our numbers. I must give chase!  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 2  
  
Stephen took an arm off. Thankfully wasn't mine.  
  
Is it just me, or did he enjoy de-arming Lord Blakeney?  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 3  
  
Gave Little Lord One-Arm a book. He smiled at me very oddly. Do I  
have a wanton midshipman on my hands? Best keep an eye on Stephen  
while Blakeney's under his care.  
  
And still not Admiral.  
  
Day 5  
  
Saw a pretty girl in Brazil. Pity there was no time to score.  
Stephen later chided me for a wandering eye rather aggressively.  
Platonic brotherly concern so touching.  
  
But still not Admiral.  
  
Day 7  
  
Was walking belowdecks when I heard Bonden yell "Faster Doudle,  
Faster!" Assume they were practicing the use of a weapons and Doudle  
shoots too slow.  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 8  
  
Stephen commented on Hollom's beautiful voice. Am worried Lord One-  
Arm turned him into a pervy midshipman fancier.  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 9  
  
Was forced to cut Warley loose to save the ship. V. saddening.  
  
Even more distressingly, Stephen seems very cool to me. Had best get  
him to the Galapagos Islands before I have to sleep on the deck  
again.  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 10  
  
Captain Howard really should be more discreet in regards to his  
guns. He'll scare the midshipmen. Would have been disturbed myself,  
but after walking in on Killick polishing my silver so many times,  
can no longer be bothered by behavior of that sort.  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 11  
  
Soothed Stephen with a promise of the Galapagos Islands before  
asking if he was eyeing any of the midshipmen inappropriately. He  
laughed and said, "Jack, it is not any of the midshipmen that I  
fancy!"  
  
Fear he may be eyeing one of the lieutenants.  
  
Oh, and still not Admiral.  
  
Day 12  
  
Stephen admitted to enjoying Mowett's rendition of Nelson:The  
Musical. Says he loves anyone who's good with music. Am v. worried.  
  
Except that I think Mowett may fancy me. Have the feeling the Doctor  
will kill him if he tries anything. Platonic brotherly concern  
again.  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 13  
  
French frigate beat us to the islands, and was forced to go after it  
immediately. Stephen v. pissed. Will definitely have to sleep on the  
deck tonight.  
  
And still not Admiral.  
  
Day 14  
  
Had to flog Nagle for insubordination. Heard I shouldn't because he  
actually enjoys pain. That's what they all say...  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 15  
  
Hollom was a Jonah and drowned himself. I don't think Blakeney  
pushed him...  
  
Still not Admiral.  
  
Day 16  
  
Stephen had to get himself all wounded just before we spotted the  
Acheron, didn't he? Should just leave him to die. Have gotten v.  
uncomfortable sleeping out on the deck these past few nights, and  
still not Admiral, and...  
  
Oh hell with it, I'll save him.  
  
Day 17  
  
Going back to the islands v. good idea, as French frigate was there!  
Disguised ship as whaler and took her! Go me!  
  
But still not Admiral.  
  
Day 18  
  
Couldn't stay at islands after all. Managed to prevent Stephen from  
getting pissed again with music. After he said, "Ah, Jack, I love it  
when we make music together." and smiled at me in all too attractive  
manner...  
  
...wait a minute, does Stephen fancy me?  
  
Oh my.  
  
Still not Admiral, damn it all! 


	5. Calamy

This one was done by Master and Commander Phreak. COMPLEMENT HER NOT ME!!!!! I JUST POST THE THINGS!  
  
Peter Miles Calamy  
  
Day 1  
  
We saw a ship today, came out of the fog, stupid fog. Hollom saw it, others were too busy looking at his arse. We tried to fight it. Mr. Pullings was injured, but not badly. Damn. Stupid leftenant. Thinks he is prettiest, nancing about. Is v. nice looking, will admit, but he's married, and normal. V. Boring.  
  
Stephen will kill anyone who tries anything with Lucky Jack. If it's not Jack, it's his birds. Jack's nice. V. respectful to us all. V. good violinist too. I wonder what shampoo Killick uses for Jack.  
  
We had to row into the fog, so fog is good, I guess. Man said "Pull like your pulling a French man off your mother." Who care's about mummy, would pull Frenchie off Will.  
  
V. sad. Will got hurt. Cute little blond boy's my friend. He grabbed my arse when I woke him up and hauled him too his feet. V. nice boy  
  
Still not leftenant though...  
  
Day 2  
  
Captain, Doctor, Allen, Mowett, and pretty boy Pullings had big meeting. Listened through door. They were talking about being in prime. Then they started discussing fixing the "masts." Tuned out after that: V. grossed out.  
  
Went to see Will in infirmary. Was not wearing shirt. Looked V. hot. Was very tempted to go and feel him up, but didn't. Was afraid he woul die. Was talking about dying. Will talking about Old Joe, stupid sailor. I think Plaice was hitting on blond boy. Stephen cut off his arm. V. sad. V. grossed out, but was strong for Will. Good thing: Got to feel Will up! Go me!  
  
Still not leftenant  
  
Day 3  
  
Suspect captain of hitting on Blakeney. Gave him book. Got to give Will sponge bath, fine, six. Used Jack's shampoo on Will on bribe from Killick. Did NOT need to see Killick doing THAT with Captain's silver. Am scarred for life.  
  
Doctor operated on Old Joe. Hope stupid sailor dies. Suspect old man of hitting on Will. V. grossed out.  
  
Blakeney has been watching stupid coxswain. Suspect boy fancies sailor. Bonden is V. good looking... Suspect him of shagging Faster Doudle. Was grabbing his arse during opperation. Nagle claims he heard Bondon saying "Faster Doudle Faster!" Ick.  
  
Day 5  
  
Have been v. busy. Captain is def. a Pervy Midshipman fancier.  
  
Had dinner with Captain and other men. Captain trying to cover affair with Doctor. Really, "to wives and sweethearts, may they never meet"  
  
Was captain hitting on me at dinner? Asked about Nelson. Said he served under him at the Nile with Pullings. Perhaps Captain had some relationship with lieutenant? Would be more comprehensible to understand while Pullings is leftenant. Then said how Nelson made your heart glow. Looked at me. V. scared when I saw the look in his eyes.  
  
Did learn good advice told to captain from Nelson "Never mind the manoeuvres, just go straight at 'em." Must keep that in mind with Will.  
  
"Lesser of two weevils." Is that supposed to mean something?  
  
Suspect Hollom of being a eunuch. Has pretty voice. Stupid Hollom. But he was singing to Nagle...  
  
No sign of being Leftenant....  
  
Day 7  
  
Blakeney thinks I am v. awesome. Go me! Took a little raft out for decoy. French followed raft, stupid french.  
  
Ran into storm, stupid storm. Lost Warley. Sad. Was rather fetching.  
  
Nagle was in horrible spirits. Blames Hollom. Knew Hollom was stupid git. Suspect Hollom of standing Nagle up, Hollom sings every night for Nagle. V. annoyed.  
  
Captain Howard is turning out to be a Pervy Midshipman fancier. Had to show us boys his guns.  
  
Suspect one is close to being leftenant. V. Happy.  
  
Day 8  
  
Headed for the sun- HUZZAH!  
  
Will reports Captain plans to go for the Galapagoes. He's obviously trying to get on Doctor's good side again after the spat after the storm.  
  
Will plans to follow doctor collecting bugs. Stupid doctor. Captain will kill him if he tries anything...  
  
Day 10  
  
V. happy. Not going to Galapagoes after all, so Will won't be with doctor- huzzah!  
  
Picked up whalers. Said they saw Acheron, so we are chasing again. Mr. Hogg keeps grabbing Doudle's arse, but he's with Bonden. Suspect Bonden of trying to get Blakeney. V. angry.  
  
Captain and Doctor had big fight. Will tried to cheer Doctor up, useless. Mowett wanted to try "Nelson: The Musical" again, but crew beat him down after his first performance.  
  
Spent afternoon firing cannons. Captain thinks I am doing fine, but then, Captain IS pervy fancier....  
  
Day 13  
  
Stuck in Doldrums. V. hot. Good news- get to see Blakeney shirtless. Let me feel him up one night too- gave him sponge bath.  
  
Nagle was flogged. Insubordinante to Hollom. Is obviously still mad that Hollom stood him up. Williamson almost passed out during flogging, had to drag him up, but not before he grabbed my arse. Lousy Williamson.  
  
Will is mad at me. V. sad. Has been defending Hollom. Got mad when I called Hollom lazy. Suspect he is mad I have made no more advances.  
  
Day 15  
  
Hollom is a Jonah. Jumped overboard other night. Men say Will did it, but I don't believe them.  
  
Got wind back after Hollom left. Rain is v. nice  
  
Spat between Captain and Doctor ended v. nicely after Howard shot doctor. We are going back to the Galapagoes! Higgins, stupid git, can't operate at sea, and doctor will die if the bullet and cloth isn't out. Stupid Doctor. Hope Will will pay attention to me again...  
  
Day 15  
  
Doctor is well again. He and Captain are happy. Will has been running around collecting bugs. He HAS been paying more attention to me, since I won the game the other day...  
  
Waiting for Blakeney to come back from collecting bugs.  
  
Day 17  
  
Action at last! Blakeney and Doctor found Acheron while looking for bird. Are to capture the stupid ship once and for all.  
  
Day 17  
  
V. excited. Have been promoted to "Acting Third Leftenant" HUZZAH! Am to board Acheron and find the whalers. Blakeney is sad he can't board. Could board me any day.  
  
We are dressing as whalers. V. bad sense of dress. Will is to command the Surprise while we fight. Good for him.  
  
Day 18  
  
Killed by French, stupid French.  
  
Blakeney was happy for me after all. Thought I had a chance. Then we boarded, freed the whalers. Then got stabbed by stupid Frenchman while saving Will. Will is alive though.  
  
Stupid French... just promoted too.... 


	6. Killick

Holy Crappa moly! This is the THIRD chapter I've posted today........man  
these authors are just spittin em out! WOOT!  
  
This is KILLICKS VSD........done by the wonderful and lovely Shadowsyra.  
Again(as always) all reviews directed at her not moi......sadly I don't  
think I will write a VSD not that talented...I would if I was though.  
I just collect them.  
  
Day 1  
  
Which a big frigate comes houndin' out of the fog and smashes us.  
Lots of dead people but what is worse is how much of the Captain's  
silver was lost. Am v. sad since my favorite piece was broken.  
Stupid French.  
  
Day 2  
  
Blakeney's arm off. Doctor refuses to look at Captain's silver; says  
he is a doctor not a silversmith. Stupid Doctor. Silver much more  
important than one-armed brat.  
  
Day 3  
  
Which I find that most of the Captain's shampoo was lost overboard  
with the silver. V. distressing. Captain v. angry and has denied me  
the silver for two days. (Captain v. sensitive about his hair care.)  
Am already pining for my silver.  
  
Day 4  
  
Which I gave Calamy a portion of the remaining shampoo in exchange  
for silver smuggled from the Captain's table. Still not enough.  
Taken to polishing guns instead when I can. Howard v. jealous. I  
think that Calamy fancies one-armed child. Don't blame him as  
Blakeney looks nice w/o a shirt. Still not as nice as Captain's  
silver. Oh how I long for it.  
  
Day 5  
  
Which Captain tells truly horrible joke at dinner. Don't remember  
much else since I was pining over the silver on the table. Tomorrow  
I shall have it back. Hollom v. good singer but am beginning to  
think he is Jonah...or a eunuch. Same difference.  
  
Day 7  
  
Which I am allowed to care for the silver just in time as big storm  
comes. Am v. happy. Howard beginning to attack me when I went near  
guns so glad I no longer have to polish them. I kept silver safe  
from rocking of ship. Stupid storm. Warley lost overboard. Am sad  
but glad that silver is safe. Hollom definitely cursed.  
  
Day 8  
  
Discovered "new" way to polish Captain's silver. Won't say no more  
here. ;-)  
  
Day 11  
  
Which I made thumping big pudding for Captain. Captain seems to be  
heading to Galap. Islands. If so then will have time to "polish"  
Captain's silver in peace for a while. I think Blakeney is hitting  
on the Doctor. Doctor v. vulnerable to cute one-armed boys but  
devoted to Captain.  
  
Day 12  
  
Not going to Islands; going to go fight French ship. Am v.  
disappointed and worried that battle will claim rest of the silver.  
Not as disappointed as Doctor, though. He and the Captain had bitter  
spat. Doctor crying below decks. The Captain v. touchy today.  
Pullings seems to think the fight has left the Captain open. The  
Doctor will kill him if he tries anything.  
  
Day 13  
  
Stuck in doldrums. Thirsty but have much time with silver. V. happy  
that no nasty French frigate will destroy silver. Nagle flogged. I  
suspect he enjoyed it. Hollom still cursed.  
  
Day 15  
  
Which Hollom is dead. Round shot tends to make you sink. Got our  
wind back which is good but Doctor shot which is bad. Captain v.  
distressed. I heard him crying below decks. He is v. vulnerable  
right now and Pullings nancing about more often than usual. The  
Doctor will kill him if he tries anything. Doctor still could take  
Pullings even with bullet in his side.  
  
Day 16  
  
Which we are on the Galap. Islands. Spending much time with  
Captain's silver. Doctor cut out bullet last night. Saw Blakeney  
sneaking peeks of Doctor without shirt and sweaty. The Captain  
helped Doctor and almost passed out. Think sight of sweaty Doctor-  
chest too much for him.  
  
Day 17  
  
Doctor and Captain made up. Doctor now well enough to romp around  
island with Blakeney. Suspect Calamy v. jealous.  
  
Day 18  
  
Which we found stupid French ship. I'll have to clean the silver all  
over again. Calamy dead. Blakeney v. sad but takes advantage of the  
Doctor. Doctor probably only letting him in close because he  
couldn't save Calamy and feels guilty. Doctor and Captain playing  
horrible music again. Stupid music. Stupid toasted cheese getting  
grease on the good silver.  
  
Day 19  
  
French v. stupid. Captain stupider.  
  
Well, I wrote this up in a hurry so I'm afraid that it might not be  
accurate enough. Obviously its meant to be mostly inaccurate (I  
mean...only 19 days?) but if you see anything that really needs  
changing just tell me. I don't usually write humor stories so I hope  
it's not completely terrible. XD;; 


	7. Bonden

The wonderful and fabulous KiraMowett has done it again. R&R to her please.

The Very Secret Diary of Barret Bonden, Coxswain

Day 1: Attacked by French. Nearly got blown away at the wheel, but did great work pulling ship into fog. Captain Aubrey ordered an extra ration of rum for me. Go me! But Lord Blakeney lost an arm, and Cousin Joe whacked on head and may not survive. Am v. worried. Stupid French. Need much cuddling from Doudle tonight...

Day 2: Grog v. good...Doudle so cute...hmmm...passes out

Day 3: The Doctor actually opened up Cousin Joe's head and messed with his brains! V. grossed out. But I did have a great view of Doudle's arse...

Day 7: Cousin Joe still not speaking. Am v. upset. Not that he really talks much anyway...

I really need to keep my voice down...Faster and I were having a little fun in a vacant cabin...and Mowett, Nagle, the sailing master, and a few others heard us. Now the name "Faster Doudle" has a new meaning for the Surprise's crew. Mowett was first disgusted, then amused...he can laugh all he wants, I don't see _him_ getting any!

Day 8: Cousin Joe is talking again. Minus side is he's blabbering on and on about the ship carrying a "Jonah". I think he means Hollum...poor Nagle won't like that.

Day 9: Lost Warley today. Stupid storm. Stupid Cape Horn. Nagle v. sad...Warley was his best mate. I'd comfort him, but Faster would be jealous...

Day 12: Sometimes I wish the Doctor had never taught me to read and write. He just gave me a book to practice with...but did not realize it was his own diary. Ick. I _so_ did not need the mental images of what he wants to do to the Captain in my head...but it's better than the rumours I've heard about Captain Howard and his guns (heard Mowett freaking out about that one) or Killick and the Captain's silver.

Day 13: Galapagos v. pretty. Good place for Doudle and me to get some private time...

Day 14: Picked up some whalers who said they were attacked by Acheron. So we're going after them with no stop at G. Am v. disappointed. Stupid whalers. Stupid Acheron. Stupid Doctor and Captain fighting...

Day 16: Stuck in doldrums now. Stupid doldrums. Hot and dry. Plus side is Faster is shirtless most of the time. Minus side is Cousin Joe still going on about the "Jonah". Hollum getting nervous. Nagle getting frustrated.

Mowett tried to cheer us up by doing a scene from Nelson: The Musical. Nude high kicks amusing, but Awkward Davies and his mates tried to beat him off, so he quit. Stupid Davies. Am v. disappointed as Mowett has a rather nice arse.

Speaking of Mowett...he really shouldn't check out the captain's arse so much. The Doctor will kill him if he tries anything...

Day 18: Nagle constantly whining about Hollum standing him up again. Cousin Joe won't shut up about Hollum being a Jonah. We're all starting to believe it now...

Day 23: Nagle flogged because he shoved Hollum. Doudle and I tried to cheer him up beforehand, but he said he enjoyed a flogging. Was v. disappointed that he only got 12 lashes. V. odd...but whatever turns you on...

Day 24: Hollum drowned himself. Rumour has it that Little Lord One Arm actually pushed him (he is aiming for promotion after all)...People took that Jonah thing way too seriously. Am feeling v. guilty. Nagle v. sad. May invite him for threesome...he does have a nice arse. At least Mr Lamb is always grabbing it!

Doctor accidently shot by Captain Howard!! So we're going back to the Galapagos after all, so he can do surgery on himself. Shore leave! Smart Howard!!

Day 26: Having a ball at Joe and his mates made a verrrrrry nice drink from the local plants...better than grog. Doudle so cute playing cricket. Got annoyed with people yelling "Faster Doudle, faster" and then sniggering.

Don't wanna leave...so nice...drinky so good...passes out

Day 28: Doctor and Little Lord One Arm spotted Acheron, so the chase is on again. Stupid Doctor. Changing ship into a whaler. It is v. ugly. Hate the clothes we have to wear.

Day 30: We defeated the Acheron. Lots of prize money for all. But...my Doudle was killed. Stupid Acheron. Stupid French. Don't care about prize money. Stupid prize money. Am v. lonesome now...Nagle dead too. Mowett v. unhappy. Maybe we can hook up...

Pullings going away with Acheron. Am v. glad as I was sick of his nancing around the ship all the time. What, does he think he's the prettiest or something?

The end!!


	8. Pullings

A/N: KIRA STRIKES AGAIN! This time its Pullings turn. **evil laugh** ENJOYETHruns off to study for her Comparitive Studies midterm blech

The Very Secret Diary of Thomas Pullings, 1st Lieutenant

Day 1: Surprise attacked. Gun blew up in my face, but sexy scar not damaged. Still the prettiest.

Day 2: Dinner with the Captain. Mowett so fetching when reciting poetry. Silver looking v. shiny tonight. Suspect rumours about Killick are true. Think he stole my special strawberry shampoo...

Day 4: Captain swam around ship to check damage. Everyone tried to get a peek. Put on manly lieutenant attitude to get them back to work. He's not the prettiest, after all!

Awwwwwww....Nagle made the Captain a cute little model of the Acheron. The Doctor will be jealous.

Day 9: Am now officially the prettiest, as Warley, the nearest competition, has drowned. Am v. sad, though.

Day 12: Tried to calm Mowett down after he saw Howard do "something" with his guns. He's cute when he's upset. But suspect he fancies the Captain. The Doctor will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 14: Group of whalers rescued. None of them prettier than me! Doctor and Captain fighting.

Crew really picking on Midshipman Hollom. Some silly thing about a "Jonah". Suspect they are really just jealous because he's shagging Nagle. At least Mr Lamb is jealous. He grabs Nagle's arse any chance he gets.

Day 16: In the doldrums...hot and dry. V. good excuse to run around with shirt almost off. Can't use my strawberry shampoo because of water shortage, though. Still the prettiest anyway. Go me!

Doldrums v. boring. Mowett tried to entertain us with a number from Nelson: The Musical, complete with nude high kicks...but Awkward Davies made him stop. Too bad. V. nice arse.

Day 23: Nagle flogged for pushing Hollom. Suspect he enjoyed it...seemed disappointed in number of lashes. Mowett watched almost hungrily...suspect he is a pervy carpenter's mate fancier. Why doesn't he fancy _meeeeeeee_?

Day 24: Hollom drowned himself...though it is rumoured that Lord Blakeney pushed him. Nagle v. sad. Mowett trying to make a move. Am v. jealous.

Day 26: Doctor shot by Howard by mistake. Suspect Howard was "playing" with guns too much. Ship is now at Galapagos. V. pretty! Shore leave is nice. Cricket game fun to watch. Mowett explained to me what the "Faster, Doudle, faster!" thing was all about. Heh, heh. Poor Bonden.

Little Lord One Arm is off with Doctor and Padeen exploring. Calamy v. lonely and pouty. Hmmmph. If he thinks that will make him the prettiest, he's got another thing coming!!!

Day 28: Acheron spotted. We're going after her again. Everyone dressed in whaler clothes except me and Calamy. Am v. glad as whalers have lousy dress sense. Still the prettiest.

Day 30: Defeated Acheron. Got to slice up a lot of Frenchies. Mowett got nasty slash, so he'll have sexy scar, too. Lost Allen, Doudle, Nagle, and Calamy, though. Am v. sad.

Am also v. sad because I am leaving with the Acheron. Rather fancied the idea of shagging Mowett now that Nagle out of picture...new scar major turn-on. But he and Bonden seem glad to see me go. Am v. unhappy.

Day 31: Taking command of Acheron. "Captain Pullings" sounds v. sexy. Am definitely the prettiest here. Go me!

Surprise seems to be following us! Could it be that the Captain is sending Mowett over? Can only hope!!!

The end!


End file.
